To My Young Boys Being Greeted With Stained Underwear – Fr. Kelvin Ugwu

Teenage African American male wearing a plaid button-up shirt sitting at a desk in class. He is writing in a notebook on his desk using a pencil. Around him are his classmates, also writing on their papers. They are all concentrating on their own work.

You may have read or heard stories of the experiences of some young girls on their first menstruation, how they unexpectedly start noticing blood stains on their skirts or thighs.

You may have also heard of how any elderly woman or much experienced girl around would quickly take the young girl aside, get her a pad, clean her up and with a smile that seemed as though the young girl had just worn a Nobel Prize for an unexpected blood flow, whisper to her, “you are now a woman.” One who is not prepared ahead of that day, will be totally confused.

For a young boy experiencing the dawn of puberty, his experience is slightly different from that of girls. He may sleep and wake up only to be greeted with a stained underwear of starchy milky look. He is lost not because he cannot find himself, but because he cannot for some seconds reconcile what he felt in his subconscious in form of dream with what he is now consciously looking at.

He could remember seeing a lady, but cannot tell exactly what the face looked like. He knew it was a dream, yet it looked real.

There are so many things he cannot remember, but he cannot forget how the lady’s thighs appeared. It was smooth. It looked as though he was driving on a newly constructed road until he got to a place that looked like a garden adored with flowers and a water fountain in the middle. Then he saw himself drawing water from the fountain with his water hose until he woke up to see something that looked like real water on his bed.

Now, he is sincerely confused. Who wouldn’t be? Later, he was told he just had a nocturnal emission. And in his mind he was like… This sickness with this big name, God help me!

“What is nocturnal emission, am I going to die?” He asked in his innocence.

“Nocturnal emission is the same thing as wet dream.” They whispered to him.
In the course of my work, I have met young boys filled with guilt because according to them, they had sex in their dreams and in the morning, they got their beds wet.

It is simple to explain to them that they just had wet dreams, but how can you explain to them why the dreams often came in an erotic way?

People’s experiences vary, but just as you teach your daughters that as a sign that they have started ovulating and can get pregnant they will start menstruating, teach your sons as well that as a sign that their testosterone has started producing sperm that can now get a girl pregnant they may begin to have wet dreams. Teach them that it is absolutely normal, nothing to be ashamed of.

Teach them that it is not a sin. They may be shy about it, but it is not a sin because even the church teaches that “What a man does while he sleeps and is deprived of reason’s judgment, is not imputed to him as a sin, as neither are the actions of a maniac or an imbecile.”

Teach him that sperm could be dangerous in the body when left for too long, and God has made it that the old sperm will surely find a way to go out. This is why he experiences wet dreams, it’s natural and healthy. Don’t let anyone teach him otherwise.

Tell him that masturbation is not only unhealthy but sinful because he will begin to consciously impute dirty images in his head, and that is how addiction to pornography also begins. Remind him that one of the hardest addictions to break free from is masturbation, even after marriage, it does not go.

Teach him that though the penis is his sexual organ, but the biggest sexual organ is his brain — for to stimulate it, is to stimulate anything. Let his experience of wet dreams be a perfect example to the truth of those words. With the brain alone, he can see a girl, sleep with her, and ejaculate through his penis and yet may not touch his penis nor the girl.

Teach him that if he can control his B, he can control his P (B is for brain, P is for penis).
Teach him that as long as he is not masturbating nor involving himself in sexual acts, he may continue to experience wet dreams and he should be grateful to God for it.

Remind him that I love him and I am speaking from experience.
#Salute to all the young boys!

Fr. Kelvin Ugwu, MSP, is a Catholic Priest on Mission in Malawi and one of the Church’s most influential and significant missionaries to the Digital Continent.

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